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Francisco Alexander
born Jan. 26 at 2:52am
7 lbs, 12 oz
Birth Story

To tell this story correctly, I have to go back a bit.  I decided to have this baby in New Mexico and stay with my parents during that time.  When I was at 37 weeks, Ellie and I flew to my parents’ house.  Several months ago, when I was setting all this up, I found a doula, named Denise, who I really liked.  We had only spoken over the phone but I felt a real, caring connection with her.  I was set to meet her face to face last Friday (Jan 25th).  I also had a doctor’s appointment on Jan 29th with the doctor who was going to be my OB/GYN.  The plan was to deliver the baby at Presbyterian Hospital here in Albuquerque.  

On Friday afternoon, my mom and I met with Denise.  I liked her even more in person.  She offered to let me labor at her house since she was so much closer to the hospital and I was really grateful and happy about this.  Denise is also a midwife and, when I mentioned to her that I had initially wanted a home birth but had decided not to because my parents’ home is so far from the hospital, she said that if I wanted to, I would deliver the baby at her house.  I was intrigued but needed to talk to Joe and see what I could work out with my insurance company.  She told me a few things about the hospital that I didn’t really like but I just wasn’t sure I was ready to shift gears to a home birth.

I left her house very happy and feeling like I had a really good plan in place.  I had been having some weird Braxton-Hicks type contractions while at her house but they were isolated to the right front and really could have been the baby just moving around.  After the meeting, we went to dinner with my dad and Ellie and while we were there, the “pains” got stronger but were still isolated to the left side of my body.  Still, they were enough that I mentioned them to my parents.  We ran a few more errands and got in the car around 7:30.  We started timing the “pains” and they were about 5 minutes apart but lasting only 30 seconds or so.

It takes an hour to get from town to my parents house.  We headed home – I had no desire to kill time waiting for something that might not happen.  As we were driving, I called Denise, just to let her know.  I continued to time the pains – still about 5 minutes apart but getting longer – closer to 45 seconds.  Just as we got home, around 8:30, they started to migrate more to the center of my body; not just the right side.  I took a bath with Ellie and got her ready for bed.  I watched Little Einsteins with Ellie and lay down with her.  Around 10:45 the contractions were strong enough that I couldn’t sleep through them anymore so I got up and told my parents it was time to head back to Denise’s house.

As my mom and I drove in (my dad stayed with Ellie), we timed the contractions and they were now 4-5 minute apart lasting about a minute.  As I drove in, I just felt convinced that this baby was supposed to be born at Denise’s house.  I called the insurance company to get a pre-approval (since I wouldn’t be using their doctor) but of course, no one was there.  I left a message and hopefully, that will with them in the next few days.  We arrived at Denise’s at about 11:45pm and I told her that if the offer was still open, I’d like to have the baby there.  She very graciously said yes and stated getting everything ready.  Even though I had already asked about all this, it was nice to see how prepared she was – all the instruments, medicine, and support items one would need to deliver a baby at home.

At this point, I was dilated to 4 cm.  Denise’s daughter (her assistant) (and her 14 day old daughter) and her other daughter came over around 12:30.  For the next hour, the contractions got stronger and eventually, around 1:30am, I lay down on the couch so I could relax through the contractions.  At this point, the contractions were getting very intense.  My quads were cramping and I started shaking all over.  Despite the shaking, I was able to sort of retreat within myself and just let the contractions sort of wash over me.  I lay there until about 2:30am.  Every one told me later that they thought the contractions/labor was ending, but it was actually exactly the opposite.  At 2:30, Denise came to check on my progress.  She did a quick exam and said I was dilated to 7cm.  I was a bit disappointed about this because, comparing how I felt with my previous labor, I thought I should be farther.  I laid down again but now, the contraction was so painful I couldn’t stand it.  I actually got up off the bed mid-contraction because I was so uncomfortable.  I suddenly had to go to the bathroom and made my way there.  I was able to urinate and void my bowels and there was bloody show.   Denise told me all these were signs of good progress so we went back to the futon.  I sat on the edge of the futon and had maybe 3-4 really difficult contractions.  Suddenly, I was pushing involuntarily and with that contraction, my water broke.   I was a bit nervous now – it had been maybe 10 minutes since she said I was at 7 cm.  I was worried about pushing before my cervix was ready but Denise told me that if I felt the need to push, I should just go with it.  (I so appreciated her perspective of just trusting your body.)  Still, I had no control over the contractions – they were happening whether I wanted them or not.  It occurred to me that once again, I was sitting and pushing and there’s no way a baby is going to get born in that position.

I turned around on my hands and knees.  The idea of lying down, on my back or my side, was unbearable.  I would have preferred a slightly more kneeling position, but there wasn’t anything to lean against or hold on to so I pushed through a few contractions on my hands and knees.  I felt his head coming down and out a bit – lots of pain there.  Mentally, I was thinking “I can’t believe this is it already” but also thinking “as soon as I get this part over, I’m done!”  So, I kept pushing.  

(Looking back, if I had to find a “wish it had gone differently” moment, this would be it.  Denise didn’t know I wanted to have her deliver the baby until about midnight.  Even though she had everything she needed, she didn’t really have a chance to get set-up until we arrived.  Her daughters, one of whom has attended several births, arrived and helped a lot, but there was still a lot to do.  I had discussed how I wanted to push and what support/encouragement I wanted with Denise that afternoon.  However, I had never discussed this with my mom because I always knew I would have a doula present.  Unfortunately, Denise was not able to do a lot of the pre-pushing support because she was busy getting ready.  Once I reached transition, she was there and she was fantastic.   She had a back-up midwife coming but because no one realized how close to transition I was when I was lying on the couch (not even me) no one called her until about 2:30am when she checked me the second time.  All these events combined in a way that meant that I was pushing basically on my own.  Denise was busy delivering the baby, for which I am very grateful, and she simply couldn’t be in two places at one.)

So, back to the action – at 2:46, I started pushing.  I was shocked – first at how fast everything was going and then at how much it was hurting.  I mean, I knew it would hurt, but this was different.  I think that even in the midst of the most instinctual part of labor, my mind was looking for some order.  I wanted to know when to push and for how long. I was getting 2-3 pushes per contraction but I they didn’t feel organized the way I wanted them to.   With Ellie, the pushes all felt like I was pushing as hard as I possibly could, but I was making slow progress.  This time, the pushes felt easier but not as well organized.  I finally remembered, again, that when the pushing was done, the baby would be here and labor would be over.  With that thought in my mind, I pushed through one last contraction and Frisco was born at 2:52 am.  I only pushed for 9 minutes and not surprisingly, there was some tearing.  Denise told me later that she was a bit busy (as in, not talking directly to me) because the cord was around his neck and she was working to get it off before I pushed again.)

Because Frisco was born so quickly, he didn’t have much of a chance to get the fluid squeezed out of his lungs.   His initial apgar score was only 7 because his hands and feet looked gray (normal at this altitude), he wasn’t crying and he wasn’t “vigorous”.  I was a bit worried at first, but the midwife rubbed him a bunch and gave him oxygen to breath.  He then latched on right away and nursed for probably 20-30 minutes.  All this combined to clear out his lungs and he was just fine.  I spent a long time sitting with him on the futon (okay, maybe it was only 10 minutes but it seemed long after all the action) and then my mom cut the cord.  After that, we all just sat around and watched him nurse.  He had to wear a pink hat belonging to the midwife’s granddaughter because the one we had for him was too small.  I called Joe and told him his son was born.

We sat around measuring and weighing (7 lbs, 12 oz) and talking about the birth for probably at least an hour.  I was exhausted, but happy to have my baby finally in hand.  Somewhere around 4 am, the midwife stitched me up and my mom crashed on the couch with Frisco.  I took a shower and got cleaned up and in my jammies.  Then, around 5:30, Denise tucked my mom and Frisco and I into bed and we slept until maybe 8:30 or so.  Then we got up and had breakfast with her and her husband.  Bacon, eggs, sausage, and toast – it was all so good!

My mom slowly began to collect our stuff and we went over all the paperwork requirements with Denise.  She checked me out and checked Frisco again – everything looked good for both of us.  My mom made a quick trip to Walgreens and Starbucks for diapers, pads, wipes, and coffee (hot chocolate for me) and then we headed home.

When we got home, Ellie was asleep.  She woke up after a bit and was very upset – I think mostly because she had missed me.  I sat her down on the couch and my mom brought Frisco in.  Ellie was fascinated by him – I’m pretty sure she thought he was the coolest doll she had ever seen.  She held him, touched his face and hands, and gave him a few kisses.  

Joe arrived that evening at around midnight and got to meet Frisco when he was about 23 hours old.  It was so nice to finally have the entire family all in one place.

So far, Frisco has been a pretty easy baby.  My milk came in about 36 hours after birth and he is a great nurser.  He is very slightly jaundiced so we are exposing him to the sun a few times every day.  We will stay here in New Mexico for about another 3 weeks and then head back home.